Written November 21st, 2019
**I ask myself on a regular basis “What do I need today to be free?” During a session with a client who also has a passion for writing, I posed this question and we wrote for 10 minutes. Below is my stream of consciousness writing.**
What do I need to do today to be free?
To be free, I want to collapse inside the dark rainclouds, to be swallowed up by my sorrow so I can, finally, quietly rest in the gurgling stomach of the Universe. So I can be passive, be digested, and all the “no-longer-needed” bits and pieces in me can be broken down by sacred stomach acid and be disposed of. Then, like a perfect meal, I can slide down the intestines of Creation – and feel like I’m riding on a water slide with turns, as I’m churned up to more nutritious bits, so I can seep through into the blood of the Earth, and be absorbed.
So I can contribute – by my decomposition.
What do I need to do today to be free? Yell until I’m horse. Or be quiet until I grow a mane and hooves and can run away into the mountains and release humanness from my burden.
Today – I’d curl up in bed and allow the squishy pillows to soften my edges and immerse my mind in my breath. To allow just breathing to be my Highest Contribution. To be stoked by converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
That’s my Highest existence today.
To be eaten. To be a horse and to disappear into my white cotton comforter.
Today, freedom isn’t waving a sparkly flag or ringing bells. It’s walking on wet red dirt – and simply drinking enough water to stave off dry mouth in this dry desert.
Freedom is letting go – so the rain can purify me. Until I’m a puddle and I fall asleep like a baby – precious, innocent and stupendously alive.
Freedom is the quiet breathing on the other end of the phone, as my tears fall and my nose sniffles.
Freedom is walking in the chilled air and feeling the simultaneous existence of the bright sun and cold air.
Freedom is giving up, so I can give in, so I can continue to give and be generous with myself until I’ve released all the illusionary stories that stand between me and my freedom.
Freedom isn’t a doing. It is an un-doing, a non-doing.
Freedom is breathing and being.
Today, Freedom is simple.