Yesterday I did a “digital detox”. I turned off my phone and computer on Sunday evening and did not turn them back on until Tuesday morning. It may seem like no-big-thing to refrain from looking at a screen for an entire day, yet to someone who spends a lot of time on both, for work and pleasure, I had the experience of what the day was like.
In addition to no technology, I did not read or write, and I covered the clock so I did not know what time it was. Typically, on a day without the digital world, there would be plenty of time for reading and writing. My intention was to create a “distraction-free” day. I wanted to see what happens in the space without something to do.
I had smooth moments, and bumpy ones, and overall felt like I could go incredibly deep detoxing for more than a day. I did a lengthy yoga practice in the morning, and mid-day, and in the evening. I meditated after each yoga session. I ate food slowly, sitting quietly in the sun of the window seat. I went for a long walk in the cool afternoon air and took a long bath in the evening.
During my time housesitting, I’ve been practicing yoga and meditating each morning. During this distraction-free day, I had less thought of what time it was and how I “should get to work,” so I dropped into my meditation more deeply, and noticed the moments where I squirm in restlessness. With no time limit on my meditation, I was allowed to sit and sink into the quiet stability of empty space.
Without facebook or email to pull me away from a task, or a text or phone call to do the same; I realized my mind is its own distraction, jumping around with half-formed thoughts and nonsense chatter. The realization that my mind is often distracted, buzzing, Monkey-ing around, means I can stop giving the distractions so much power, I can stop wasting time shaming myself for being distracted. If my mind is going to be distracted no matter what, I might as well release any story that I “should or shouldn’t” be distracted, and come back to presence whenever I notice I’m distracted.
During my detox I also realized how frequently I leave my little-me behind; the small-innocent-essence of myself that is always present and does not talk loudly. I had a story that this part of me couldn’t hang in the world of work, deadlines and “to-do” lists. On my mat, this piece of me had space to be, I was quiet enough to hear and she said, “I miss you.” I erupted into tears.
I realize there was a story created while my little-me was a small child, learning to be a human. She received X amount of love, so she made her capacity to receive love X. Now, I believe my capacity to give and receive love is limitless. However, the belief still holds that I can only hold X amount, anything beyond X is denied, painfully so. This old belief of a small love container, combined with a cultural story of never being good enough, and I’m left feeling as though I cannot give or receive my full potential.
As I soaked in the tub after a wonderful day of silence, I grieved for this little-me, living 28 years with a story that my love-tank is only so big (or small). I asked Spirit to remove the walls from around my heart, which not only protects me from the outside but also confines me to the inside. I prayed for the experience of being my unlimited self, as big as the Universe, to give and receive unlimited love.
Overall: 1. Cut yourself a break, the mind is skilled at being jumbled. Notice, and come back to presence. 2. Remember you are limitless. Your true nature is Freedom, Compassion, and Love.